31st July, 2012: Fucking Music

Spat by Soulgirl at 5:01 pm | Comment here! Comments (2)

As in ‘fucking’, not horrible…

Have fun ya’ll!

29th July, 2012: Ghetto Soul

Spat by Soulgirl at 10:55 pm | Comment here! Comment (0)

I was going to Radcliffe, then I wasn’t going anywhere and then I changed my mind again and ended up sharing a night of laughter at Ghetto Soul in Southampton.

Bearsy & Marie kindly offered me their sofa so I arrived in good time to share pre-event laughs and chilled Cava in the late afternoon sun. Before we’d even left for the gig I’d nearly wet myself laughing at his ‘guff’ problem. Poor old Marie, what she has to put up with.

I told them the tale of the disgusting ‘chicken korma’ farter all those years ago at Bisley, that managed to make the whole room move in and out like a Mexican wave. The culprit was revealed… it was Bearsy and he remembered it!

Inside the house Paul was playing records and they have a lovely wooden floor so I had a wee dance in the socks. Before I knew it Max, their doggy, was dry humping my leg. I was taken by surprise and a little worried that the only cock I have been offered in years was from a fucking dog! I held his paws and defiantly advised that what he was suggesting was actually illegal and to ‘leave it’. Anyway, Paul came in the room, laughed, and found his own leg a testing ground for this ball-less pooch.

Our taxi ride in was hilarious and we had the driver in stitches. There was talk of Bearsy being naked in many places and something about a cake. Apparently there was going to be cake at this event so I impertinently advised if anyone offered me a cup cake they’d have it shoved up their fucking hoop!

The venue was ‘intimate’ but without character. Alfie kicked off proceedings with some good records and I familiarised myself with the table arrangements/bar/smoking staircase.

Knowing 95% of attendees, unfortunately there weren’t many of us – 40 tops, made it more of a private party atmosphere than a soul night but the laughter continued throughout the entire evening.

Smithers and Topping delivered the best music for me and my foof got a bit of a hoof on the dance floor although nowhere near as much as I usually enjoy. However, having pre-event Cava and in-event Sol I was able to talk enough crap to make peoples ears drop off. Before I knew it the lights went up and it was home time.

Thankfully Adam span Memory Of A Dream and that more than made up for any negative points making it all very much better.

We were offered a lift from a bloke who later admitted, back at the Bears, that he was the drummer from The Shamen. An impromptu rendition of Ebenezer Good rang out and further drinks were consumed. I even got to give My Proposal a good rimming.

After a couple of hours playing tunes and being stupid I collapsed onto the sofa bed in a drunken heap. The following morning I awoke to rain and a lovely hot cup of tea. Marie had kindly offered to whip us into Town as La Senza had a sale on and I needed some new slingshots. I thought it was probably a good idea to get myself measured properly again and stood in the changing room whilst the assistant measured under my boobies. I was hoping for a little tit action for the cup size but alas, she just looked and them, said E, and left me stood there thinking WTF! I’m only 5 feet tall… that’s a bit top heavy

Anyway, it was a success; 6 bras and a bag full of pants found us returning to the house and stuffing our faces with a fried egg sandwich.

Thanks so much for your hospitality guys; I had a blast

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View from my back door! YUCK

Ghetto Soul 28 July 2012

hahaha special

Ghetto Soul 28 July 2012

15th July, 2012: Burnley Allnigher…

Spat by Soulgirl at 6:48 pm | Comment here! Comment (0)

For some days prior to departure I’d been stricken by what I can only describe as a female hard on!

All aboard the Sunshine Bus – window licker’s anonymous – let the wagons roll

Sean, Dusty, Dave and I boarded the bus for a comedic journey littered with laughter and inappropriate conversation at times. Dave and Dusty sat in the back where Dave commented ‘stop fucking hitting me Dusty’ whilst Dusty was talking incessantly about anything and everything.

We laughed remembering Vicky Green’s hilarious comment on my Facebook Status about a woman in a cycle helmet and no bike – she reminded me about me having a Foo and no cock which led to her explanation of the history behind the The Foo Fighters name initially being Cunt Punchers. We also laughed at the conversation of Ali’s hairy tarantula and my boiled egg

Dave had brought along his ‘Stig’ toy following another a witty conversation on Facebook. I later found that this wasn’t a toy but a vessel containing bubble bath. It didn’t taste very nice and I was suitably punished when offering it to my mouth!

We were back at the Koko’s venue and I was glad. A better dance floor than the Kestrel Suite, a better bar and a fantastic balcony allowing regular cigarette breaks and cool off opportunities.

After we’d re-arranged the room the sound system was erected and testing began in earnest. Dave Shaw dipped into Sean’s record collection and commenced the most fantastic delivery of music; the night hadn’t even started and I found myself skipping about the dance floor to show my appreciation. It was around 7pm and we still had two hours before the kick-off.

A few ‘early-doors’ guests arrived to participate in a little assembly prior to the commencement of the most awesome night of music filled camaraderie.

It was as though the dance floor was my fuck-buddy due to the recent arrival of a mid-life near-permanent state of ‘horn’. What’s the fucking matter with me? Sex is on my mind almost 24 hours a day and I ain’t getting none!

Anyway, I was happy to take out my sexual frustrations on said dance floor; the passion oozed out of every single pore of my body along with a torrent of sweat. It got SO hot. By the time the last record was played I was positively dessicated but sated all at the same time. I received a comment from a patron about the passion I displayed whilst dancing – proof of the pudding.

Sean secures a ‘young’ guest jock for each event which gives us old folks the chance to hear what the younger ear is collecting and listening to. This event featured Rich Evans. A cheeky Northern rascal whom I affectionately call Ginge. Not proper ginger with translucent blue skin though, more of the ‘all American home-boy’ variety and very handsome.

His set was meticulous, fresh, passionate, upfront and right in your fucking face. Blinding! Thanks fella, I really enjoyed that which pumped me up good and proper. The night had officially had the ‘bar’ set as far as I was concerned. What unfolded was, for me, the most erotic night of musical masturbation ever.

And for the first time in a LONG time I actually felt extremely sexy. Helped by my mid-life sexual frustrations no doubt. It all sounds SO HORRIBLY WRONG

I danced and danced and danced like no-one was watching. Peppered with conversations and tomfoolery with my Soul Brethren. My life would be so empty without you all and without a dance floor. Music has become my best friend and I’d feel worthless without it.

Of course, as expected, all the DJ’s delivered top-draw tunage. Danny Price, Stuart Bennett, Cliff Camfield, Sallie Reynolds, Rich Evans, Killa, Eddie Wainwright and Geoff Rudd did themselves proud. A stand-out moment for me came at around 4.30am when Eddie dumped a plethora of mind-blowing super fast records that fucked me up proper like an exocet missile! I was being ‘danced to death’ and I couldn’t have been happier. It was getting harder and harder to find any energy and we still had an hour left where I knew Sean would be hammering me with some of my current favourite spins. And he did!

I found myself going a bit berserk to this number… what a fucking mammoth record!

Hearing this at 5.30 in the morning, when you’re already as horny as the Devil himself, is dynamite. From out of no-where my energy levels raised a billion percent and I got my hoof on proper. Mind you, co-ordination was dulling by this point. Hearing it out LOUD is a must and no justice is served by listening to it at home. Topping and Evans were dance floor companions for the most fantastic 2½ minutes of pure magic.

I laid on the top step of the entrance to the venue, prostrate, allowing the cold floor to embrace my trembling shell of a body gathering farewell kisses from departing friends. Special moments.

Post-nighter Latte was an absolute must and we met up with a largish crowd at Stafford. Being sat outside in glorious early morning sunshine, talking bollocks, was lovely… up to the point when the boys discussed their private and personal ‘requirement’s upon reaching home. Comedy gold

Sean Haydon, you are EPIC! Thank you so much for allowing me to travel up with you and the boys again. I am more grateful than I could ever convey in words.

Anyway, I’m off to find an online vendor of bromide. Over and out

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Burnley Allnigher - 14 July 2012

Blatant Soul FunkTion advertising

Burnley Allnigher - 14 July 2012

Sean sorting his records

Burnley Allnigher - 14 July 2012

The Stig

Burnley Allnigher - 14 July 2012

I got soap in my mouth as punishment for this moment of inappropriateness.

Burnley Allnigher - 14 July 2012

Epic Ginge - Rich Evans

Burnley Allnigher - 14 July 2012

Happy Birthday Roger

If you look closely it appears that there's been a little spillage

Burnley Allnigher - 14 July 2012

Fucking FREAKY! Mace and Me.

Burnley Allnigher - 14 July 2012

8th July, 2012: GoGo Children Explodes!

Spat by Soulgirl at 3:01 pm | Comment here! Comments (2)

The GoGo Team announced recently that a change of venue was imminent – a venue with a dance floor big enough for all patrons… check! That, coupled with the UK Escapee Greg Belson, was enough to secure my patronage. Really great to meet you and your lovely lady Greg

I arrived at Dean & Nicci’s in plenty of time and a short spin in the car to pick up their co-promoter, John Stapleton, found us arriving at their new venue in a thrice.

WOW! What a place!! A Napoleonic Prison dating back to 1740; I stood outside staring at all the small windows (mostly filled in now) and imagined how it might have been all those years ago. Thin, filthy, scabby hands weakly holding the iron bars, hoping a passer by might offer food, sympathy or companionship. It really was quite emotional actually. Inside I took in the dank odour and visions of grown men crying out filled my thoughts. It must have been horrendous – unlike the night that unfolded for us

The place filled quickly and the dance floor soon became a hive of activity. Whilst there were many people I knew there was also a healthy attendance of Muggles. It all worked so beautifully though and every person there was having a fantastic time.

The room had an awesome ambience. John’s attention to detail with projected imagery created facets of sparkle. Night-club type lighting added a horny feel as the strobe fleetingly lit up my face from time to time; it was akin to musical masturbation

Musically diverse; sets peppered with ‘wow’ moments amongst tried and tested slabs of well known hoofers. The balance was perfect and the dance floor was the proof of the pudding. I hogged that floor for most of the night; the recipient of 4 humbling complimentary conversations about my dancing and one request for dance lessons

So many ‘punch the air’ opportunities and one truly damp pair of knickers. That’s what it’s all about. I wanted the night to never end if I’m honest. A whole evening full of passion and camaraderie.

So fucking brilliant to see Nick and Hannah

As you know, I’m an allnighter girl but this new venue, with it’s eclectic mix of soul, has secured my continued patronage. Next month’s guests are definitely worth a mention too; Mark White & Adam Topping. My hips are already aching with baited anticipation. And all for a measly fiver; the best £5 I’ve parted with in a long time. At the end John mentioned that he’d not had the opportunity to play any Reggae because Greg muscled in for a little more action. I said ‘good’ haha!

Thank you so much to Nicci, Dean and John; I am your humble servant. And a special thank you for the use of your sofa, your hospitality and the CDs – not forgetting the hiss I received from your ultra-cool fat cat

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