27th May, 2012: NCS – Memoirs Extrordinaire

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I’d not attended NCS, Radcliffe, for some time. Since Boxing day in fact; so my patronage was well over due. Actually, that might be incorrect… blimey, I’m not sure! Anyway, I met Sean, Dusty and Eddie at The Stables where we all jumped in Sean’s car for the remainder of the journey.

The trip was fuelled with sour jelly sweets, lashings of funky soul and a heap of comedy conversation. My position as an honorary bloke is nearly set in stone. Hope I don’t grow a beard – or worse, a cock!

Marcelle was minding the door like a busy bee and had set up some kind of ‘IN’ and ‘OUT’ entry/exit system. Having had the rules explained I promptly broke them although in my defence it was a rather complicated set of rules that took me a few attempts to perfect. By the time I had, both doors were a free for all. The Taming of the Souls was not going to happen this evening. It had all gone to pot.

Memories of my recent dysfunctional dates with Muggles had been fading nicely but I found myself constantly being reminded by people who’d read my previous blog about it. This is going to haunt me for a very long time I just know it. However, back in the bosom of my fellow Brethren it felt so much better. Someone, Eddie I think, likened our Scene to ‘Broadmoor with music’

We mingled in the bar where Micky Cruise started talking in a foreign tongue. This fantastic character of a man needs subtitles

We nipped into the main room (prior to room two opening) where Tony from Scotland was guesting. It didn’t do anything for me musically so I tip-toed out and took residence in the middle room, completely alone apart from the DJ. Don’t fret; it wasn’t long before I was joined by a throng of punters looking to hear something different as was I.

12 inch Willie (quite frankly I think he’s bragging! haha) played some great Album Tracks, which of course is his trademark. One of them, which I’ve heard a few times recently, was the sublime Ronnie Dyson – Fever. Probably one of the best version of this over-covered song in my opinion. See what you think.

‘Trusty’ provided us Ladies with a nice bit of eye-candy and also delivered the best sets in that small room last night in my view. Some great up-tempo digerydoo’s that found me frolicking amongst the Congregation who were busy doing the same thing. And, having safely off-loaded Little Miss Cato’s gift, I could relax and let loose.

In fact, I was quietly pleased with the number of ‘attractive’ attendees last night; doesn’t happen often

When ’3 before 1′ came to a close I had a couple of hours to kill before Steve Cato’s ‘Soul or Nothing’ room commenced. A special evening because this will be the last SON in that room ever. Between 1 and 3am I was in and out of the main room, R&B room, the foyer and outside, like a Nun’s bar of soap, undecided about where to plonk myself. I had plenty of ‘mithering’ victims to choose from and shared myself equally among all my friends and acquaintances. Of course, this was mainly made up of me ‘talking bollocks’. It was reciprocal though

With 2 copies of the original Hopkins Bros – Shake Cheri in the house tonight, I knew I was going to get to dance to it twice. FANTASTIC!!!!! It’s recently been re-released. Fine, buy it but please DON’T play it out to paying punters; it’s not right and insults the few that do have the original which I and many others travel hundreds of miles to hear

So, BIG thanks to Andy Dyson and Mick H for pleasuring me across two rooms with this awesome record.

This floaty funk number was aired by either Paul or Gumbo – information provided by my Soul PA, Eddie Hubbard. I think I need to replenish his notepad and pencil if he’s to do his job properly.

Mick H delivered a full on Falcon Punch to my ovaries with this one… Woohoooo! Eddie said “you know that I you baby ..like I never did before ..why don’t ya come knocking at my door …’cue octopus on drums’ lol.”

Not content with disembowelling me, he then delivered a pair of those 70s Clackers round the back of my head when he put this on! OWWWWWWW

And Paul gave this a spin; sounds WAY better in a darkened room, loud enough to make your ears bleed. Much like any record really… has to have the right ambience.

3am arrived in a jiffy; how does the time fly by so quickly? 10 hours of dancing and mithering seems to disappear quicker than a dozen buns at a Weight Watchers meeting.

There were two DJ guests in the SON room tonight that I’ve not heard play before. Gumbo and Paul Grant. Paul Grant was storming! But as the examples above confirm, the music offered by all DJ’s was amazing. Mind you, Paul with a schmoove Irish tongue, school boy freckles (unless my specs were dirty) delivered two sets that nearly made me spontaneously combust in my pants.

Inappropriately and uninvited I told off Mick and Gumbo for playing ‘fucking’ records. I hope they don’t think I meant ‘fucking records’ because I didn’t. I meant it in the sense that they were good to fuck to. Not that I’d know but it’s an expected descriptive term from me for sure – being that I’ve got a Potty Mouth

And without question I wasn’t completely serious in my delivery of the above reprimand; they were great records, just a tad too slow for my liking. However, plenty of people that did like them. Can’t please all the people all the time

And Gumbo’s last record was a redeeming pant creaming finale.

Paul was accompanied by a very young Lad (well, young in years compared to the majority of us there lol), again with a super sexy Irish accent. He told me his name but you know how crap I am at names or anything that requires a memory… so, I shall affectionately refer to him as Ginge. A tall willowy man with a slight retro 70s look that suited him and extremely pleasing dance moves. In fact, he’s actually very good. I love watching people dance, and the pleasure they experience. A bit voyeuristic thinking about it, but it pleases me

Massive thanks to Sean Haydon for Chauffeuring us – really appreciated.

Lovely to see Rowena in the house looking as beautiful as ever. And fabaroonie company with the lubbly Samantha. A pleasure as always. See you in a few weeks!

Thank you Charlie for confirming my bum is no longer ‘big’. Thank you Andy, Mick and Soul Sam for playing my requests. And of course, a mahoosive thank you to Marcelle and Chris; we’re indebted to your dedication. I now look forward to the new Room Format very much. Like you said, you can’t stay still for long without a serious stagnation threat.

Our drive back to the Stables was yet again peppered with nonsense and great music. We all laughed when I told them what a bloke called Trevor on our FunkySoul Facebook group calls me. ‘Bricktop’ (from Snatch). Eddie asked why and I replied ‘coz I’m an ‘orrible cunt’ hahahahah.

I wound down both windows of my car, put a CD on full blast, and danced in my seat all the way home. The sun was blazing and my head was buzzing with great memories and with a smile on my face that made my cheeks ache. I performed a medical procedure to remove ‘Radcliffe’ from my nostrils en-route and was back aboard the Soul Boat by 11am. Wearily, and with trepidation, I edged along my jetty. And I am quite sure that during the evening, by an unknown assailant, my liver was covertly removed and replaced with a nice big fat juicy Foie Gras. Offal rehabilitation shall commence forthwith. I have suffered whiplash yet again coupled with pummel injuries to the soles of my feet

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