22nd April, 2012: Back At The Batcave

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Six blokes and little old me piled in Sean’s van for our mission to find the best music in the North; Burnley bound, we set off on our merry and somewhat hilarious way. In fact, the 6th bloke, the unashamedly gorgeous Matty Hill joined us in Manchester. He was guesting tonight and I was quietly excited to hear what he was going to play. At only 27 we were all old enough to be his parents

I can’t remember why but I used the word ‘guffing’ and oddly none of the Midland’s boys had ever heard of the word. I thought everyone knew what a guff was!

I supervised (watched) the boys unpack the equipment and struggle up the stairs with speakers as big as they were. I did carry one bag so I wasn’t completely useless

Sean & Matty played some warm-up records so I took the opportunity to limber up, getting my swag on. An interesting funked up version of the snake blared out (from Sean)… I couldn’t find a YouTube clip but it’s featured in this great mix.

This got a spin too quite late into the night…. what a cracker!

In the blink of an eye the place started filling up and the music swirled around the room, and my head, like a billowing blouse. It wasn’t long before I was wind-milling around the dance floor in gay abandon. Like an out of control Catherine Wheel losing it’s fizz toward the latter part of the night where I popped and crackled like a right twat. FANTASTIC!

All the jocks were exciting, fresh and unique. Sean, Matty Hill, Fred Krol, John Weston, Cliff Camfield, Stuart Bennett, Danny Price, Scotty and Dr Pickles. As much as I applaud them all for their top-drawer delivery, the Gold Star Award definitely goes to Chris, AKA Dr Pickles. What a set and what a way to end the night! 100mph, flat out tunage, that caused sweat to roll down my cheeks as I willed myself to keep up with the relentless tempo. My life would be pointless without music and the spins across the whole night were storming perfection. A mention has to go out for Scotty too who kept the dance floor busy with his up-tempo selection.

I got a little bit tipsy which isn’t like me as I normally drive. This made me skip around the room taking lots of photographs of myself with just about everyone, flirting and milling amongst the crowd. There were no complaints – not to me directly anyway

Another couple of records on the night…

Sian (Rugby Soul Club) took advantage of my liberal and slightly inebriated state and sexed me up on the dance floor although she’s telling an altogether different version of events. Dirty girl!

By the end I was thoroughly placated and fantastically wankered. Soulism enveloped my entire being. I sat on the step outside like a vagrant; my mind vacant, my eyes glazed and my feet ablaze. For the first time in ages I was totally shattered. So much so I laid my head on Dave Shaw’s shoulder and slumbered all the way back to the Midlands. I hope I didn’t drool

So, thank you Sean for your hospitality and for taking me, top man! And thank you Dave, Wagsy, Gazza, Dusty and Matty for your wonderful company. I’ve not laughed so much since the last time I laughed so much

Lastly, congratulations to Ian (Simsy) and Kylee on their marriage yesterday. You both looked lovely

Click the image to start the click-through gallery.

The Burnley Boys

Burnley 21 April 2012

Seans bum

Mattys bum

Burnley 21 April 2012

The short & tall

Burnley 21 April 2012

Hussie

Burnley 21 April 2012

15th April, 2012: Rambunctious Rugby

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In a Ground Hog Day experience I found myself travelling Northward, alone again. Clear roads saw me reach Rugby by 8.15pm, half an hour earlier than I’d anticipated. However, driving fast comes at a cost; it doesn’t half use a lot of petrol!

I used just shy of a full tank. Each nighter I attend ends up costing me around £100 the majority of which is fucking fuel! Still, better than sitting on my sofa, void of friends and frolics, flicking random channels on the TV

Musically it was a bit up and down but there were some excellent stand-out records peppered throughout the night. Maria and Carl were Guesting and their sets were very reminiscent of Middleton which brought back fond memories.

I caught some of Lou Woods set in the Freestyle Room; floaty Summery tracks that I found very pretty. Her mic wasn’t working though, so I made her a loud-hailer out of a piece of paper. There’s no end to my skills and abilities I’ll tell ya

And of course, it goes without saying that Maria looked as fabulous as ever. This lady just doesn’t age and dresses with chic sophistication which is quite enviable.

The best music of the night for me (bar Eddie) was a smashing funktastic CD gifted from the immaculate collection of Adam Topping. Just look at the stupendous effort he made too… it’s got ME on it. I’m well chuffed

Anyway Adam…. WOW, this time you’ve surpassed my fussy expectation which found me playing it so loud in the car for the journey home my ears were ringing.

I could not stop playing this particular track! Over and over; it’s just SO DAMN FINE! Crank it up

And I’m sorry but I’m not allowed to share the CD, on strict orders, so I wont.

Edide Hubbard’s 5am spot was funking magic. Got two plays of the record below, one at the start and one at the finish; with records this good they deserve multiple plays so punters get a chance to remember it. I skidded about like a loon on both occasions. You’re good company Eddie, and we had a giggle didn’t we

I spent equal allotments of time in the main room and the record bar. Heaps of comedy and childishness… which is pretty normal! Especially Loulou who played around with my camera when I wasn’t looking and took millions of photos of herself

Too many people to mention all names but lovely to make the acquaintance of ‘mellytee’ and surprising that our bladders were so meticulously synchronised all night long from our very first pee to the very last! It was like we were Twins! You were great company and I hope our paths cross again. Also good to see the lubbly Irish Tinker, Kev. Hope your journey back to the Emerald Isle is without moment.

Funny memory No. 237 – Trickster was talking to someone and I was in their near-immediate vicinity. I have no idea what their conversation was about but he turned to me and said “Karen, what’s your honest opinion of me” I looked at him for a moment trying to take in that he’d actually asked ‘me’ to be honest… me! haha. I drew breath and uttered these cutting, immortal, words “well, you’re a bit of a twat sometimes”. I did balance the blunt delivery with a succeeding fluffy line about his heart being in the right place

So, another mad night comprising, in no particular order, dancing, snogging, hugging, mithering, gossiping, laughing, joking, dissin’, bitching and breast touching (Lou!).

Sincere thanks to Sian for letting us all go back to hers for a cool-off, cup of tea and a good dash of ‘soulogorrhoea’ – that’s my newest Urban Dictionary submission that, transcribed, means the talking of utter nonsensical bollocks and shite, the morning after the night before. In short, an en-mass sufferance of soulful verbal diarrhoea

Surreal and unimaginable conversations bounded around the rooms at varying degrees of volume and annoyingly my sex life was openly discussed, or lack of it. God knows how we got on to that!

Burnley next weekend; I predict a lot more dancing than last night based on it’s music policy alone. And some eye-candy boy-watching too courtesy of the beautiful, young and lithe Manchester lads – I feel somewhat dirty with that personal admission – I’ll flagellate myself as a penance, promise

Click the photo below to start the click-through gallery.

Bumped into Linsey again!

Rugby Nighter 14 April 2012

Gospel Bob's Bum

Rugby Nighter 14 April 2012

There were some very expensive records in this box

Rugby Nighter 14 April 2012

I wonder if he bought the £600 one he was drooling over?

Rugby Nighter 14 April 2012

Tune

Rugby Nighter 14 April 2012

John me and Sean

Rugby Nighter 14 April 2012

15th April, 2012: An Easter Cruise

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Yet again we were blessed with glorious weather (from day two) for our Easter Cruise down the K&A and on to the River Avon. Luckily there weren’t many other cruisers even though it is the Easter Holidays. Good!

It was fantastic to venture out once more heightening my feelings of freedom. We also met some lovely boaters on our travels; holiday boaters who were having a brilliant time.

We sampled many eateries and public houses. Saw Hunger Games at the cinema (3/10) and both got our nails done.

We shared a wonderful meal at the Hope Pole Inn in Bath with some fellow boaters; two from New Zealand and one Photographer that kept Lottie interested throughout. He did an impromptu photo-shoot of her and they talked about ‘the business’ giving her tips for when she becomes professional herself.

I tried, in vein, to convert them to the wonders of my favourite musical genre but alas, it fell primarily on deaf ears although one like the drumming in the funky 60′s stuff as he’s a drummer himself. Cheers Mark :)

I ate more this week than I’ve eaten in a month! Jeans still fit though :D

A 145 litre fuel stop – first one since last July.

Funny moment No.1 was using our pole to straighten the front end at Bath Boats to re-fuel where suddenly I was holding just a small baton. Haha, it was that rotten it snapped right off. We did laugh at that before joking about an Olympic relay before using pole No.2, filling up, and continuing our journey.

Funny moment No.2 was a slight verbal altercation with a boat full of holiday makers following two large wines and small lunch… they’d moored on the Lock Mooring on the River Lock having a fucking tea-party! Noobs! I politely explained that we had two 60 footers coming out of the lock and that they needed to move on. The dragged the boat 2 feet! I wont go into detail but you can imagine what followed :D

Not very funny moment No.1 was seeing the aftermath of a very young boy who rode his bike, and himself, into the cut near Dundas… welly-less and with a grown ups jumper for trousers he was happy to be pushed along on his bike by his Grandad. Don’t think he’ll be confident riding the towpath for a while. Hope he doesn’t become ill but littleuns are pretty resilient.

Best moments for me were the early mornings void of human interaction, a slow rising sun with a mug of Earl Gray and a menthol cigarette. How beautiful the mornings are in the middle of no-where with only the wildlife chirping freely around you.

A big thank you to my Daughter for being a fab helmsman; I love our time together cruising and am already looking forward to our next.

Some more photos can be found >>> HERE <<<

2nd April, 2012: Skegness Weekender

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Friday

7 bloody hours sat in traffic! That M25 and M1 have a lot to answer for… anyway, decidedly miffed we arrived in Skeg around 9pm. We were tooled up and stood at the bar by 10.30pm downing our first pint of many.

John Weston was in the room next to us. He’d already given us instructions to pick him up on the way out. We knocked and knocked… phoned and phoned. Nothing! We tried knocking and shouting one last time and heard a whimper from within. He opened the door in his boxer shorts talking a new kind of nonsense I’d not witnessed ever before. I stifled a laugh and asked ‘are you pissed or is it drugs?’. Anyway, we managed to get him to the venue in one piece with his record box as he was DJing at 11. I didn’t buy him a drink and told him to get some water

I already knew I’d be on the top floor all weekend so that’s where I was. It wasn’t long before I was tip-toeing around the dance floor and boy, what a great dance floor it was! Lindsay and I got shamelessly tipsy – she’ll deny it but it’s true! I danced until the sweat rolled down my cheeks and some. My feet were sore and my body devoid of moisture. The time flew by and by 4am we were sat in the soulful Tamla Coffee bar being waited on by Donna and talking bollocks to punters galore. The perfect end to a perfect night of rare and underplayed goodies.

Thank you to the mystery man who paid me the most wonderful compliment; I wont forget that

Man of the match tonight was shared between John Weston and Mick H.

Saturday

We were up relatively early on Saturday having agreed to go out for a proper luncheon. John tagged along and we had a lovely relaxed afternoon with a few sherbets for good measure.

The venue was fairly busy for an afternoon and again, we hit the upper floor to hear some nice chilled out music whilst drinking more beer. I tottered about in my new shoes, slowly crippling myself. By the end I had to remove them and walk home bare-footed! I did manage a dance or two in them though. And far too many adult beverages to boot. We left around 6pm I believe.

Power-nap time was upon us. Lindsay woke me up and said Karen, do you know it’s quarter to 11? EEK! Out of bed like a shot and into the shower for a hose-down. Lindsay was taking aaaages and as it was so late I went ahead so she didn’t feel pressured and so I could do the dance floor again. What a night. Superb records yet again that found me damp all over in no time at all.

My trousers kept falling down but this didn’t stop me dancing; I hoiked them up regularly and carried on regardless. It was an allnighter tonight and boy, did my feet and legs suffer. Perfect! And being that this venue has a balcony on every floor it was also perfect for cooling off and having a smoke and a breather.

Kylee was in the house tonight; it was her Hen Night as she ties the knot with Ian in 3 weeks. Good luck guy’s and may the Sun shine on you all day and forever more

Man of the match tonight has to be Johnny Beggs. Some super fantastic spins; some which I’ve not heard before but was still drawn to the floor to shake my toosh.

Sunday

Back to the Tamla Cafe for post-nighter Lattes and mithering.

We fell in to bed at 7.30am and awoke at 9.30am. Damn it! Surprisingly I felt fairly alert. And I did a pee that lasted for about 5 minutes. I must have broken the pee world record. I was now, almost, dessicated.

This was not to last long mind; the alert bit I mean. Showered and dressed in a ‘dress’ we walked along the prom and dined alfresco on Scampi and Chips. I suspect there’d be more scampi in a prossies knickers the morning after the night before because there wasn’t ANY in that which was presented to us on a cheap styrene dish. We all sat there people watching (insulting) as locals and holiday-makers trundled past making the best of a beautiful day. Directly opposite were the cheapest looking ‘fun fair’ rides I’ve seen since 1974 and couldn’t believe people actually paid to ride on them.

The venue opened at 1pm and as Lindsay and I sat there, huffing and puffing, nursing our drinks we were joined by Mr & Mrs Aldridge. It was as much as Lindsay and I could do to sit there but our Wendy was on full-steam and full of dry wit. After a couple of hours Linds and I had had enough – not of Wendy I might add, but of ‘it all’. We headed back to our hotel and laid down to look at the back of our eyelids for a wee while.

We managed another couple of hours at the venue later on but left for the last time at around 9.30pm giving our thanks to Dave & Donna for a lovely weekend. Donna, I remember who Madge was a helper of…. Dame Edna!

So, there we have it. Not as much ‘capers’ as experienced when everyone’s in a caravan park or holiday camp but lovely all the same. The journey home was actually pleasant; especially whilst sat watching a lorry load of uniformed Army lads as we sipped Latte half way home. God I wish I was young again because I couldn’t half have given them one

With conversations about Len Barry, Madge, newies, oldies, rare, overplayed, slapped-arse faces, dancing, dying, hand-baggers, liars, lack of sex, embarrassing sexual predators and bodily pain, the weekend ended.

Thank you to everyone for making my weekend so great. I’m not going to list you all as there’s not room but a special mention goes to Dave and Donna for arranging everything for us all. And a thank you to our Hoteliers at the Coasters Hotel – really lovely people and it was clean and comfortable even though I had a bedspring cause a bruise on my hip and the shower spat rather than poured. I would stay there again though; cheap and cheerful. Mick Cooper was snapping away all night too so look out for his snaps, they’re always amazing!

Lastly, someone recently asked me a question, which was probably rhetorical but I’ll answer it anyway. “Do you really need to drive 300 miles to get fucked and then drive 300 miles back?” YES (see above) but then you probably ‘still’ don’t understand even though I’ve spelled it out for you